complainingjane

I realize that I am female and that I usually cause a lot of my own drama. Today, I wish for the drama to cease and stop following me. I have done nothing to cause any excess drama in my life, and yet I seem to have friends out the wazoo wanting to share their drama with me. Since I am empathetic (I cannot help it, and this is why I would never make a good therapist), I end up sharing the pain of those in the middle of all the drama. I don’t want to hear about your boyfriend problems, or your mother-in-law issues (and not just because I have a great MIL, not that I’m saying so because I know she reads this), or anything else. At least not today.

I went to high school, and yes I remember the torture of having to be up to date on all the gossip. I was hoping that once high school was over we all would have moved on. Apparently not.  I have been tearing my hair out the last few weeks trying to deal with all the stress and unintended self-deprication that comes with being a non-paid therapist to the world. I’ve been flipping through my year books, remembering what people look like, what they have gone through since graduation and how their lives change. The more I think about anyone else, the worse I feel. I guess I just want to protect everyone from getting hurt and from doing things the hard way. Even though that was what helped me get to where I am today.

Maybe I just want to help without getting involved. I don’t want people to stop feeling like they can rely on me to listen. I just wish I could figure out a way to stop empathizing. Because truly, I think I will die of a heart attack. What will cause the heart attack though I’m sure will be all the drama. I’ve always had a type A personality. Lately I’ve been looking pretty hard at myself and I’m not so type A anymore. I still watch clocks, I’m still terribly impatient, I still hate standing in lines, but for the time being I am taking a break from being stressed out. I have tried so hard to learn how to relax. Something I never fully understood how to do until after I got married. The book I just finished was talking about how Americans really don’t know how to relax. We get home from work and end up vegging on the couch with the TV, the stereo, the laundry running, kids screaming, thumping, and we never get a chance to breathe. It’s like we’re suffocating in all the busy. I don’t want to die prematurely, and I’ve heard that heart attacks can be quite painful, so obviously there is something I need to change. The drama won’t ever go away, so I guess my attitude needs to adapt or I will drive myself crazy.

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